


Last Before First

by sal_si_puedes



Category: Suits (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Happy Ending, Marvey Fic Challenges, Minor Character Death (Mentioned), angst and smutt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-21
Updated: 2014-09-21
Packaged: 2018-02-18 06:20:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,799
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2338295
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sal_si_puedes/pseuds/sal_si_puedes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Two years ago Mike left Harvey without a word, without an explanation. Now he's back. Will Harvey be able to forgive him?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Last Before First

**Author's Note:**

  * For [naias](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=naias).



> Written for challenge #4 (may I have this dance) at [Marvey Fic Challenges](marveyficchallenges.tumblr.com) during week 5 (amnesty week).
> 
> Inspired by [this beautiful edit](http://undetach.tumblr.com/post/96970824941/30-days-colouring-challenge-create-a-colouring%22) by [undetach](undetach.tumblr.com).
> 
> For naias, as always. :-)

"Harvey," Donna says and Harvey looks up from his laptop as Donna closes the door behind herself. "Have you heard?"

"What?" Harvey tilts his head and folds his hands in his lap.

Donna quickly walks up to his desk and sits down in front of it. "That Mike is back."

For someone who doesn't know Harvey as well as Donna does, he'd seem completely unfazed by her announcement. But Donna _does_ know him well, she has known him for over a decade, so she sees how shaken he truly is. How his jaws clench briefly and his hands ball into fists for a fraction of a second, how he stops breathing for a moment there and blanches. 

"What do you mean, 'back'?" There's the faintest hint of hoarseness, of maybe even breathlessness in his voice, but one wouldn't hear that if one didn't know Harvey so well. He wouldn't let anyone hear that.

"Katrina's met him yesterday. He's been talking to Allison Holt, it seems. He'll start as a legal advisor at Bratton Gould next week. Katrina said—"

"Thank you, Donna," Harvey says and turns his eyes back to the laptop's screen. "Now if you'll excuse me…"

"Harvey," Donna says and leans forward in her chair. "If you—"

"I have work to do," Harvey interrupts and nods towards the door. "Mike Ross is none of my concern."

*****  
Harvey is secretly grateful for Donna's warning because after hearing it from her he is prepared.

Within the next couple of hours at least three different people approach him about that thing and he is prepared. He dodges them like bullets, smooth and slick. 

"Hey, Harvey, you know Mike's back?" – Jeff Malone, of all people, accosts him while they're taking a leak. 

Louis tries to be a little more subtle. "Heard Mike Ross is back in town…" – Right before an important deposition is about to commence.

"Yeah," Harvey remarks casually and with a shrug of his shoulders. "I heard that, too."

Jessica even summons him to her office. He in return asks her why she thought it necessary to have him come all the way over there just to ask him if he knew. Of course he knows and did she really think for just a second that he wouldn't know?

So when the display of his phone lights up in the late afternoon, alerting him to a call from _Sundance_ a second before the phone starts vibrating in his hand, he is prepared. 

He lets it ring for some moments and when he thinks enough time has passed, he answers the call.

"Yeah."

He listens to a short pause and then to Mike clearing his throat on the other end of the line and he exhales. 

"It's me."

"Yeah," Harvey says again and nods.

"Mike."

"I know," Harvey answers calmly. "What do you want?"

"I—" Mike seems to be nervous and Harvey purses his lips. "I wanted to see you. To—to ask you out for a drink. Tonight."

"No," Harvey says and listens into the silence that follows. 

"Just one drink, Harvey, come on, I want—"

"It's been two years," Harvey states and bites his lips. "I don't give a _fuck_ what you want." He takes a deep breath and closes his eyes.

"Harvey, please, just one drink, I promise. I—Just _one_ drink."

"Just one drink," Harvey echoes and he can hear Mike draw in a sharp breath on the other end of the line.

"Yes."

"Okay," Harvey says and he doesn't know why. His stomach drops and his palms feel sweaty all of a sudden. He swallows around the lump in his throat and looks at his watch. "Jamie's, 9pm. Don't be late."

He ends the call and runs a hand through his hair. He still doesn't completely understand why he's agreed to that drink.

*****  
When he walks into the bar he knows that Mike isn't there yet. He knows that he'll be alone for at least another minute or so, so he quickly walks up to the counter and orders a double scotch. He drains it in one go and orders another. He pauses for a moment and orders a second glass which he places in front of the stool next to him. He turns it a couple of times until it sits there _just right_ , just the way it should sit on that wooden surface, he turns it back and forth until it _fits_.

He picks up his own glass and lets the brown liquid swirl around in the glass, watching how it sticks to the glass walls for the briefest moment before it runs down again, pooling at the bottom.

From the corner of his eye he can see someone approaching but he doesn't lift his head.

"Hey," Mike says and Harvey nods.

"Hey."

He finally looks up and shoves Mike's glass a little further towards the other man.

"Here."

"You—" Mike picks up his glass and takes a step towards him. "You look good."

"Yeah," Harvey murmurs and raises his glass. "Cheers." He brings it to his mouth and takes a swig. 

When Mike sets his glass down again without his lips having touched it, Harvey sighs.

"Drink," he says and takes another swallow from his own glass, raising his eyebrows. "You wanted a drink. So drink."

"It's good to see you," Mike tries to catch Harvey's eyes and finally takes a sip from his scotch. "I—"

Harvey drains his glass and tosses a bill onto the counter, getting up from his stool. "Hmm," he grunts noncommittally.

Mike reaches out for Harvey but drops his hand again immediately when Harvey tenses and takes a step back. He clears his throat and drowns his drink.

"May I have this dance," he asks, voice trembling, when a new song comes on. A song they used to like when they were still—

"No," Harvey says and wipes his mouth with the back of his hand. He nods at Mike once and steps away from the bar. Of course Mike is following him on his way out.

"Harvey, please, wait, I—"

"I said _one_ drink," Harvey turns around and Mike nearly bumps into him. "We've had it. So—" He continues to head for the door, Mike at his heels. He texts Ray and when they leave the bar, the car is already waiting for him at the curb.

"Harvey—"

" _What_ ," Harvey snaps and turns around on his heel again. "What do you want, Mike?"

"I—" Mike swallows and runs both his hands through his hair. "I want to talk to you. Explain."

"Nothing you have to say is of any interest to me," Harvey says and reaches for the door. "I don't think we should see—"

"Harvey, please listen, I—"

Harvey starts to open the door when suddenly a hand touches his back.

"You owe me that."

He lets go of the handle and balls his hands into fists and unclenches them a second later. " _I_ owe you that? I _owe_ —" He runs his palm over his mouth and huffs, shaking his head. "I don't owe you _anything_ , Mike," he spits. " _Anything._ "

Mike actually takes a step backwards at Harvey's outburst. 

"It*s been _two years_ and _you_ left. _You_ —" Harvey takes a couple of deep breaths before he continues. "And if I hadn't had Vanessa trai—I wouldn't even have _known_ if you were still al—"

He squeezes his eyes shut tightly for a second and shakes his head again. "I owe you _nothing_."

"Okay," Mike murmurs, nodding. "Okay. But—" He lifts his hand ever so slightly and takes a step towards Harvey again. "But I'm sorry and I wa—I'd like to talk. About it. I wan—" He reaches for Harvey's arm and touches the cloth of his shirt for the briefest moment. "Please, Harvey, just one last drink at your place. Ten minutes, that's all I ask. Ten minutes with you and—and I'll go and be out of your life forever. That's all I ask."

Harvey looks up and his eyes meet Mike's for a second. "That's quite a lot to ask."

"I know," Mike whispers. "I know."

Harvey nods and opens the door. "Get in."

*****  
They stay silent during the whole drive back to Harvey's condo. Harvey stares out of the window at the city flying by, the lights, the people, and tries to keep his thoughts and his awareness away from the man in the seat next to him. He tries hard, he tries with everything he has, but he fails. Miserably. He is so fucking _aware_ of Mike that he thinks he can feel every single hair on Mike's body, every breath from his lungs, the scent from each and every of Mike's pores – and he knows that he would feel all of that even if he were here and Mike were on the other side of the continent again.

Mike's scent burns in his lungs and he can feel every crease and crinkle of Mike's clothing (and skin) against his fingertips (and tongue) without a single point of contact between them. He feels like screaming and tearing and pushing but he forces himself to sit still and just stare out of the window until they've reached his place. They ride the elevator up to the top floor in silence, Harvey putting as much distance between them as possible in that small confined space.

Once they're inside the apartment, Harvey drops his keys onto the dresser and heads for the bathroom. When he re-emerges, he finds Mike standing in the middle of the living room, staring at a framed picture on the mantlepiece.

"You kept it," Mike says without taking his eyes off of the photograph.

"Yeah," Harvey mumbles and heads for the kitchen to pour them both a drink. He hands Mike a glass and walks over to the huge wall of windows. Looking out over the city he takes a deep breath and closes his eyes. "You wanted to talk. Talk."

"Harvey." 

Harvey can feel Mike walk up next to where he's standing but then stopping half a step behind him. 

"Look at me."

"No," Harvey says, shaking his head.

"Okay," Mike whispers and Harvey can hear him inhaling shakily. "I'm sorry."

"I know," Harvey says and takes a swallow from his glass.

"But I had to," Mike blurts out, closing his hands around his glass. "I _had_ to. I had to keep you sa—Everyone I love dies, Harvey, _everyone_. And when we got together after Rachel—It was—I couldn't---I had to—I couldn't lose you. I couldn't lose you as well. You—I—"

"You left," Harvey says quietly when Mike doesn't speak further. "You left and I didn't even know—"

"I know," Mike answers after a moment of silence. "I know. And I'm sorry, Harvey. I'm so sorry, but I _had_ to."

"Why did you come back?" Harvey's voice is still calm yet strangely raw. Harvey thinks his throat tastes bloody when he breathes or swallows. "Why did you _have_ to come back?"

"I don't know," Mike admits and Harvey thinks that his words sound foggy somehow. "I—I just—I had to see you. I _had_ to see you again and—"

"What do you want from me, Mike?" Harvey interrupts and finally turns to face the other man. "What do you want?"

"I—" Mike swallows and closes his eyes. He takes a small step towards where Harvey is standing and bites his lips. "I want to—I want to get back toge—I want to start over. I want you to give me another chance."

Harvey huffs and turns back to the window. "No."

He can see Mike's reflection nodding and bringing the glass to its lips with trembling fingers. He can see it taking a small sip and choking on it, trying not to spill any fluid from the glass while it coughs.

"Okay," Mike croaks after he's caught his breath again. "Then I want you to—I want us to meet every now and then. A drink. A movie. Maybe dinner. Become friends again. Just friends."

"No." Harvey says once more and taking another swallow from his scotch.

"Oh god," he hears Mike whisper, just the faintest rustle of leaves, and he watches Mike's reflection close its eyes. "Harvey…"

Harvey sighs and walks over to the sofas. He sits down, sets his glass down onto the coffee table and buries his face in his hands for a moment. When he looks up again, Mike is still staring out of the window, his back turned to Harvey. He's set his glass down onto the floor and his shoulders are shaking ever so slightly.

"You broke my heart, Mike," Harvey says and reaches for his glass again. "When you left. You broke me and I was all in pieces and I still am and the glue hasn't even fully dried yet and I—If I—" He drains his glass and puts it down again. "I could never be just friends with you." He clears his throat and wipes his mouth with his sleeve. "I wouldn't know how to do that. I'd always want—"

He rises again and walks over to where Mike is standing. He steps up close behind him and wraps his arms around Mike's waist from behind. 

"I'd always want this." He gently kisses Mike's neck, just below the line where his hairline starts. "I wouldn't know how to not want this. How to not want you." He runs his tongue over Mike's skin lightly and he can feel a deep shiver running through all of Mike's body. "I wouldn't know how to not love you with everything I am." He nuzzles Mike's hair and moves down to nose at his throat. "And that's why I can't—"

He gently turns Mike around and captures Mike's mouth in a slow, bittersweet kiss. 

And Harvey can actually hear how Mike's heart finally breaks, it's the sound of one single sob, the only one Mike utters that night. All his other tears fall silently.

"Is this the last time?" Mike breathes into Harvey's mouth. "Is this the last—"

"Yes," Harvey murmurs, "Yes, the last—Nev—Just one more time, let me—God, let me—"

"Anything," Mike whispers. "Anything…"

They undress each other frantically and leave a trail of clothes on their stumbling way to the bedroom. Harvey bites Mike anywhere he can reach and Mike lets him.

Halfway to the bedroom, Harvey drops to his knees and takes Mike into his mouth, kneading Mike's ass with possessive fingers, bruising Mike's pale skin recklessly. When he breaches Mike's body with one of his fingers, the grip of Mike's hands tightens in Harvey's hair and Harvey moans low in his throat.

"Stop, Harvey, please stop," Mike begs with a strained voice when Harvey begins to finger him open. "I don't—Not like this—" Mike's pleas are pants of pleasure and despair. "With you—Inside—Please—"

Harvey lets Mike slip from his mouth and rises. He pulls Mike flush against his body and kisses him again, deeply and greedily. "Then come." He maneuvers Mike towards the bedroom and pushes him down onto the bed.

"I want you."

Mike bends his knees and opens his legs. His eyes lock with Harvey's and he nods. "I'm yours."

Harvey reaches for the drawer of the bedside table and retrieves a heavy glass jar. He opens it and scoops up a small dollop of the clear gel with his index finger. He brings his hand between Mike's legs and slowly runs his slick finger over Mike's hole. 

Mike's hiss turns into a moan when Harvey starts teasing Mike's entrance. He carefully breaches Mike's body but when Mike clenches around his finger, his resolve breaks. He moans as he withdraws his finger to gather more lube and when he pushes back in he uses two fingers this time. 

"I want you so much," Mike moans and lifts his hips a little to draw Harvey's fingers further inside. "Hurry, please—"

Harvey nods and scissors and then crooks his fingers a couple of times before he withdraws and continues with more lube and three fingers. He's rock hard himself and he can feel pre-come leaking from his dick. He wants to be inside of Mike so badly, wants to fill him, wants to be surrounded by him, to drown in him. Harvey _wants_ and for a moment or two the intensity of his desire feels like a white-hot blade in his chest and it takes his breath away. 

He withdraws his fingers and wipes them on the sheets as he sits back on his heels between Mike's legs. He reaches for the jar again and dips his fingers into the gel, coating them copiously. Moaning, he closes his fingers around his dick and slicks himself up, hardening further and twitching in his own hand. He fucks his fist for a couple of strokes and searches for Mike's eyes. "Mike," he whispers against the tightness in his chest.

He positions himself and locks eyes with Mike again when the tip of his cock nudges Mike's entrance.

"I love you," Mike whispers as Harvey enters him in one languid thrust. And then, when Harvey's buried deep in Mike's tight heat, again. "I love you."

Harvey squeezes his eyes shut and holds his breath. He nods once and stays still for another few moments before he begins to move inside of Mike.

It doesn't take them long to reach their peaks, they're so wound up and desperate for each other that Harvey only pulls out and pushes back in a couple of times before Mike clenches around him and comes into Harvey's hand, his hot, sticky release spilling over Harvey's fingers and between their bodies.

Mike's muffled screams, the sight of Mike stifling himself with a hand pressed tightly against his mouth and the impossible tightness of Mike's body around him remind Harvey of their first time, of Mike's very first time, of how he was Mike's first.

"Mine," he groans and follows Mike over the edge with his next thrust. The sensation of emptying himself into Mike's trembling body almost causes him to black out. "Too much," he murmurs again and again. "Too much, too much, oh god, no, this is too—"

He tries to stay inside of Mike for as long as possible afterwards and when he finally softens so much that he slips from Mike's body, both their breaths hitch.

"Over," Mike whispers and Harvey nods, propping himself up on his elbows and caressing Mike's flush, sticky face with gentle strokes. 

Mike closes his eyes and bites his lips and after a few more moments Harvey rises and fetches a wet washcloth from the bathroom to clean them both up. He settles into bed next to Mike and draws up the covers over both of them.

Mike snuggles up to his side and buries his nose against Harvey's throat, Harvey's fingers gently running through his hair.

They wake up early the next morning, the city outside already brightening with the impending sunrise. Harvey tightens his arms around Mike and draws him in for a long, lazy kiss. He traces Mike's lips with his tongue and gently pries them open until Mike's tongue meets his.

The kiss slowly turns more passionate and somehow Harvey ends up on top of Mike, their erections brushing against each other and both their hearts beating wildly in their chests. Mike is still loose and open from the night before and Harvey doesn't have to prepare him much. He slides into Mike easily and closes his eyes once he's fully sheathed.

"God," he moans against the skin of Mike's throat as Mike's legs wrap around him, drawing him in further. "This is so good. So good…"

Mike's hands run over his back and shoulders, mapping his body, travelling long forgotten paths, and Harvey knows he's lost.

They make love slowly and carefully, reveling in each others' bodies and their reactions to every movement, every breath and every moan. The build-up takes a long time and when Mike is trembling underneath him, Harvey is sure the glue that's been keeping him together, just barely keeping him together, won't hold much longer. 

"Take me back," Mike whispers. "Take me back, take me back… Oh god, please don't make me leave you again, please, please, take me back. I'll do anything, please, I swear—"

"All you have to do—" Harvey pants, so very close to completion. "Is to never—" He clenches his jaws and squeezes his eyes shut, panting with the effort not to come. "Leave me—"

At that, Mike stills completely and clutches Harvey as hard as he can, trembling and panting and, after another second, spilling his release between their bodies, coating their skin with hot, sticky strands of come.

"Never," he mouths against Harvey's neck and digs his fingers into Harvey's shoulders. His hips buck and his dick twitches once more when Harvey finally lets go and empties himself into Mike's shuddering body.

"Good," Harvey murmurs when he's coming down from his high, trying to steady his breath. "Good."

When he's cleaned them both and they're facing each other, languidly caressing each others' skin, Mike takes a deep breath and opens his mouth but he doesn't speak.

Harvey tilts his head ever so slightly and runs his thumb over Mike's lips. He hums softly in his throat and when he sees and feels Mike's lips forming into a faint smile against his thumb he can't help but smile in return.

"You said—" Mike swallows and casts down his eyes. "Yesterday you said—You said that yesterday was the last time we'd ever—"

Harvey nods and runs his fingertips gently over Mike's cheek. "I'm sorry."

"Then—" Mike looks up and locks eyes with Harvey. "What is this?"

Harvey leans forward a little and kisses Mike lightly on his lips. 

"This," Harvey smiles, running his fingers through Mike's hair. "This is the first time."

"But—" Mike shakes his head and blinks. "But you said—I thought—Does this mean—"

"I knew that this would happen when I agreed to that drink, Mike. Deep down I knew. I knew it when I answered your call. I knew the moment I heard you were back. I knew it the second you left. There is no way around this, not really. And I knew that. I always knew that. Even when I said 'no'."

Mike's face breaks into a beaming smile and Harvey thinks that this is the most beautiful sunrise he's ever seen. It's because this is his first – and if it were his last as well he thinks he could live with that, too. 

And finally, after a little over two years, Harvey feels as if he can breathe again.

Mike is back.

 

~fin~


End file.
